its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
