If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize