The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have surprise drugs for everyone
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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