Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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