i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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