i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
