Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
