She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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