Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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