Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Couch. On fire.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
