I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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