Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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