Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
