so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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