Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
