I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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