Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize