Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
