i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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