Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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