my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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