i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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