he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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