i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
