apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
