Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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