turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Two words: blizzard sex
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
