they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
