I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
