..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
that's an acceptable place to lick
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
