im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
