saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
