i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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