she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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