He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it hurts more in the daytime
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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