So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
