So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
