i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
