okay pat passed out under dana's car
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
