Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize