Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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