My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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