And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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