dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
