Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
