Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
