Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
