hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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