when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
