Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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