At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
