4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
