I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
