All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
