Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Drunk is a universal language darling
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
