nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
