I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
