Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
