I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
