I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
