why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
